SSHHH. Don't Tell Your Mom.

Shhhh. Don't tell your mom. I think I'm going to steal you and keep you for my very own. You can come and live at Aunt Laura's house. I look just like your mom...and I sound just like her, too. No one would ever know the difference! Isn't that a great idea??? Before this all goes down, I need to inform you of the rules. First of all, you're going to need to start sleeping through the night. None of this getting up and thinking you're hungry. That's just not going to be an option.
And you're going to need to go ahead and potty train yourself. I know you're only a few months old, but you're smart, you'll get the hang of it right away. See, the problem is I already have a two year old that's still in diapers and I don't think I can do two in diapers. From the way things have been going with your cousin in that area, it's going to be easier for you to make the switch. Plus, I saw the way you hosed down your grandma the other day.
While we're at it, you're probably going to need to put a cork in the whole spitting up thing. I do enough laundry as is. The extra 5 loads of burp rags will just push me over the edge, and no one wants to see that. Trust me.
What's wrong, Max? Why are you looking so worried? What's that you say? Too much pressure? I could swear he just called me a raving lunatic....
Oh, alright. You've got it pretty good where you're at. Maybe you can just come over and visit.